Can Relationships Help You Live Longer?
- carlyburr3
- Mar 27, 2023
- 4 min read
Written By: Carly Burr
I had just gotten back from my 3 week long winter break and was back in my dorm room that practically resembled a shoe box. I was unhappy, not sure where I wanted to go in life, and alone. It felt like I was going to feel stuck forever, and that my only option to start feeling better was to transfer schools or live at home with my parents.
Fast forward 10 weeks later: I have just returned from a road trip with a new great friend of mine and for the first time wasn’t dreading going back to school. I actually wanted to be back in my dorm room because I was getting a little sick of being at home (sorry Mom and Dad, I still love you!). I made so many new friends through my sorority and was delighted to be back and around everyone.
This was just a difference of 10 weeks. 10 weeks of creating strong relationships with the people that I love, developing good affirmations, and surrendering to the universe.
After I went through this situation, I had a realization; relationships can make or break your quality of life. Although I do enjoy spending time alone, the connection you have with your family, friends, co-workers, significant others, and anyone else, can greatly change the way you view and live your life.
In 1938, Harvard University researchers embarked on an 85 year long study to find out: What makes us happy in life? According to CNBC.com, the researchers gathered health records from 724 of the participants and asked specific questions about all of their lives in two year intervals. What did they find? That “contrary to what you might think, it’s not career achievement, money, exercise, or a healthy diet. The most consistent finding we’ve learned through 85 years of study is: Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer”. They call this “social fitness”. Relationships affect us physically. I remember when I came back from that same winter break and was sitting in my dorm room feeling lonely and sad. I didn’t want to be alone, so I texted a friend if she wanted to hangout and immediately felt better just being around someone else.
Not only do relationships help you live a better overall life, but they help you improve your own self-confidence. Isn’t it funny how other people can help YOU feel better?. In Melissa’s book CLUES, she mentions how once you start to genuinely enjoy interactions with others, you will forge deeper connections and begin to develop more empathy for others. “When you're less preoccupied with your own self-doubt, you become the person who reaches out to help those in need .You’ll learn to become a better listener and people will be naturally drawn to you”. Throughout the entirety of the book, Melissa mentions how crucial relationships in your personal life and professional life are. The more people you communicate and form bonds with, the better your life will be.
Something else that I have learned in my personal self-growth journey is the significance of doing what you enjoy and not trying to fit into society's standards. Once I started to do things that I truly loved (yoga, exploring new places, shopping, going to dinner, going to the beach, reading, etc) rather than things that I thought were considered “cool” (partying, going to clubs, staying up late, etc), I attracted the people who also appreciated doing the same things. Don’t get me wrong, I still allow myself to go out, but once I changed my mindset to do things that made ME happy rather than other people, I immediately attracted similar people and began to form deep relationships with them. Those people are now my closest friends.
So, how can you take control over your relationships so that YOU can thrive and truly enjoy your life? In our relational lives, there are 7 keystones of support. They are listed below.
Safety and Security
Who would you call if you thought someone was breaking into your home in the middle of the night? What if you were having a panic attack? This person should be someone that you trust and would be able to help you in any type of crisis situation.
Learning and Growth
Is there a person in your life who is always encouraging you to try new things? Or maybe they support you and push you in the goals that you set for yourself.
Emotional Closeness and Confiding
Who knows everything, or almost everything about you? This person should be able to help you with anything that you're struggling with emotionally.
Identity affirmation and shared experience
Is there someone who you have shared many experiences with and helped you strengthen your sense of self?
Romantic intimacy
Are you happy with your romantic life? Do you have a romantic partner? If so, are you satisfied with that relationship?
Help (informational and practical)
If you ever have a practical problem you need help solving, this is the person who would help you.
Fun and relaxation
Who can make you laugh until you can’t breathe? Is there someone that is always down to go on a road trip or have a fun day in town with you? This person should help you feel connected and at ease.
After reading, think about all of these areas and see if you can identify people in your life who fill each one. You may have tons of people in the fun and relaxation area, but no one in the safety and security area. Once you evaluate this, make sure to reach out to people who you think you can form deeper connections with. It’s never too late to start building relationships with others and strengthen your network of people you can count on.
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